Posts Tagged ‘Democratic’


Republicans Slam the Stim, Beg for Bucks
Written by Bill Schmalfeldt
Wednesday, 17 February 2010 02:48

The Stimulus Hypocrite’s Hymn

by Bill Schmalfeldt

The stimulus is fascist.
The stimulus is socialist.
The stimulus is unAmerican.
Now cut me a check for the folks back home!

The stimulus is unconstitutional.
The stimulus is wrecking the economy.
The stimulus means the end of freedom.
Now take my picture with the oversized check!

The stimulus will never get my support.
The stimulus is a dismal failure and will never work.
The stimulus won’t create a single job.
Now give me some so I can get our construction programs going!

The stimulus is ruining the nation.
The stimulus is selling us out to the Chinese.
The stimulus is bankrupting our grandchildrens’ future.
Now fork some over so I can build some schools!

The stimulus won’t create a single job.
The stimulus will wreck small businesses.
The stimulus will cause the death of our infrastructure.
Now let’s cut the ribbon on this bridge the stimulus built!

The stimulus will anger the voters.
The stimulus will bring down Obama.
The stimulus will bring down the Democrats.
Now watch as I take credit for the good it did.

NOW TAKE MY POLL!

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Last Updated on Wednesday, 17 February 2010 03:03
The Progressive Debate (in its Current State)
Written by Bill Schmalfeldt
Monday, 15 February 2010 05:25

Progressive agenda?  What happened?

It’s your fault.
It’s not my fault.
It’s your fault.
I couldn’t be more upset about this.
You let us down by not being doing the thing I wanted you to do.
You let us down by criticizing our leader for not doing enough.
You’re giving aid and comfort to the enemy when you support bipartisanship.
You’re helping the obstructionists when you give them the cold shoulder.
It’s your fault.
This is all your fault.
There’s nothing funny about it.
Don’t come in here laughing with your little jokes.
And stop being so serious.
Can’t some of you cats lighten up a little bit?
Thousands are dying in Iraq.
Thousands are dying in Afghanistan.
Thousands are dying in Appalachia.
Homeless men freeze to death on Wall Street.
We worry too much about the small stuff.
It’s Obama’s fault for not doing enough.
It’s Obama’s fault for trying to do too much, too soon.
You sound like a Republican when you talk like that.
You can’t be a real Democrat.
You can’t possibly support a progressive agenda when support Obama’s actions so far.
You can’t possibly be a real progressive when you criticize his mistakes.
Obama should scrap health care reform because there’s no public option.
Obama should scrap health care reform because the Blue Dogs have ruined it.
Obama should scrap health care reform because he let the Republicans define the debate.
Obama should stick to his guns and demand a public option.
Obama should march to the Capitol and kneecap Max Baucus.
Obama should march to the Capitol and force Harry Reid and Mitch McConnell to tongue-kiss.
It’s Obama’s fault.
It’s NOT Obama’s fault.
It’s the REPUBLICAN’s fault.
It’s the DEMOCRAT’s fault.
It’s the SENATE’s fault.
How can you say that?
Wanna see some pictures of cats?
There’s nothing funny about this.
There is no call for this kind of humor.
This is life and death serious.
This is all a big joke anyway.
Lives are on the line.
Keith Olbermann is a riot.
Keith Olbermann hurts us when he rants.
Keith Olbermann is a joke,
Keith Olbermann speaks the truth.
Keith Olbermann is Bill O’Reilly with a different label.
Let’s roll up our sleeves and get the job done.
There’s nothing we can do.
The lesser of two evils is still evil.
The lesser of two evils is no way to choose a candidate.
We win when we stay away from the polls.
Not voting for progressives will show them we MEAN BUSINESS.
We’ll MAKE the Democrats listen to us by ensuring REPUBLICANS are elected.
Voting for Republicans gives us four years to COMPLAIN.
Bring Back Bush! Bring Back Cheney!
May as well, Obama’s the same thing anyway.
How can you say that?
You’re no liberal.
I’m a Roosevelt Democrat.
I’m a Kennedy Democrat.
I’m a Reagan Democrat.
I’m a Clinton Democrat.
Why can’t Obama be more like Roosevelt Kennedy Reagan Clinton?
What’s he waiting for?
Why’s he moving so fast?
What’s the hurry?
What’s the delay?
I’m not going to take it anymore.
What’s wrong with you?
Where are your priorities?
They’re not the same as mine.
Therefore, you are wrong.
We’re pissing away a huge progressive majority.
And it’s all your fault.
It’s all Obama’s fault.
It’s all the Senate’s fault.
It’s all Rahm Emanuel’s fault.
It’s all Congress’ fault.
It’s the GOP’s fault.
It’s the Media’s fault.
It’s everybody’s fault.

…but mine.

TAKE THE POLL!!!

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Last Updated on Tuesday, 2 March 2010 10:51
Bayh Says Bye, While Plumber Cracks McCain
Written by Bill Schmalfeldt
Monday, 15 February 2010 03:09

Bye-Bye Bayh!

Sen. Evan Bayh (D-Indiana) has decided he doesn’t like the politics game anymore, so he’s going home.

Sen. Evan Bayh, D-Indiana, announced Monday afternoon that he will not seek a third term in the Senate – a major blow to Democrats worried about losses in the looming midterm elections.

“Congress is not operating as it should,” Bayh said at a news conference in Indianapolis. There is too much partisanship and “the people’s business is not getting done.”

Bayh said he loves public service, but does “not love Congress” and is “not motivated by strident partisanship or ideology.”

A couple comments, if I may.

A.  Don’t let the Capitol door smack yer ass on the way out!

B.  Anyone ELSE notice the CNN pro-conservative bias in the lede?  I highlighted it for you, just in case.  Who SAYS this is a “major blow?”  The one thing Bayh did right was choose his time.  Now, Republicans in the Hoosier State won’t be able to vote in the Democratic Primary to choose some chump the GOP can roll over.  Instead, the Indiana Democratic Party will choose the candidate.  Let’s hope they choose well.  At least, better than John McCain did when he chose a running mate and an iconic “everyman” to trot around the country.

Plumber’s Crack Flushes McCain

What do you do to thank the man who GAVE you that 15 minutes of fame that you tried, with humorous results, to turn into an actual political career?

You throw him under the Tea Bagger Bus.

“John McCain is no public servant,” (Joe the Plumber) Wurzelbacher said at a campaign rally Saturday in Pennsylvania for long shot gubernatorial candidate Sam Rohrer. Later, in an interview with Pennsylvania Public Radio, he dismissed the suggestion that he owes his fame to McCain.

“I don’t owe him s-,” Wurzelbacher said. “He really screwed my life up, is how I look at it.”

Bitch, Bitch, Bitch!

So, apparently McCain isn’t batshit crazy ENOUGH for The Plumber. And neither is Sarah Palin.

Wurzelbacher said he’s also done with Sarah Palin because she is backing McCain’s re-election bid in Arizona.

So now, Joe is free to teabag his miniscule brain out as he and his compatriots search for the Perfect American Candidate for President!

You know…

The one who isn’t “one of those people” and was “born here” and isn’t a “commie fascist marxist socialist nazi” who wants to kill grandma. Someone who won’t tax nobody for nuthin’ but will increase spending on the military so we can bomb the bejeesus out of anyone who looks at us funny and them Mexicans, too! Someone who will keep gubbermint OUT of health care but won’t TOUCH Medicare or Social Security.

THAT kind of batshit crazy!

TAKE THE POLL!  DO IT!  DO  IT NOW!!!

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Last Updated on Tuesday, 2 March 2010 10:51
Did Sarah Palin Use “Cheat Notes”?
Written by Bill Schmalfeldt
Sunday, 7 February 2010 08:31

Sometimes a girl needs a little help remembrin’ stuff.  And when you’re flush from a full day of mocking President Obama for, among other things, using a teleprompter when giving speeches, sometimes when you’re being asked pre-approved questions at a scripted Q-n-A, you gotta just go back to the old fashioned way of cheating and look at the crib notes you’ve scribbled onto your hand.

Nah, she didn’t!!!  Really?  Sarah Palin needed to look at CRIB NOTES written on the palm of her HAND like a sophomore during a CIVICS TEST???

Hmmmm…. turns out AP took a photo of her during the speech.

There’s certainly SOMETHING written on the palm of that left hand.  Is it a grocery list?  A list of ways to refer to Obama’s race without blatantly using the “N” word?

Nothing quite that blatant, it would seem.

Caribou Barbie just needed to remind herself that she wanted to talk about…

“ENERGY”

“BUDGET TAX CUTS”

“LIFT AMERICA’S SPIRITS”

As a columnist on the Huffington Post comments, this tells us one of two things.

This would mean:

A) That she knew the questions beforehand and the whole thing was a farce. (Likely.)

and

B) That she still couldn’t answer the previously agreed-upon questions without a little extra help.

If true, this is supremely rich coming immediately after a speech in which Palin took a shot at President Obama for using a teleprompter to read his prepared speeches.

You can bet that the President wasn’t reading scribbles off his extremities while he sparred with Republicans and Democrats in an unscripted format in his recent Q&As.

Palin, on the other hand, seems to need a cheat-sheet just to get through a contrived lovefest with a smitten interviewer and an adoring audience.

I’m no fan of the Tea Party movement – if it can be called such – but if this is their leader I actually sympathize with them.

And if you listen to the answer she gives, even WITH the cheat notes, it’s babbling and incoherent!!!

THIS is the idiot that wingnuts want to be the face of their party?  THIS is the blithering moron that most Republicans think is MORE QUALIFIED than Obama to be president?  THIS is the simpering hypocrite that old, white, disaffected Americans who want to take America back from “Those People” in the White House are considering as their CHAMPION?

Okee doke!

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Last Updated on Friday, 26 February 2010 02:19
The SOTU That I Didn’t Watch
Written by Bill Schmalfeldt
Thursday, 28 January 2010 07:58

Last night, so I’m told, President Obama delivered his first State of the Union address.  I didn’t watch it.  I was in bed, like most sensible Americans should be at 9 p.m.  (Jesus, I’m so old…)

I figgered I could get up in the morning and see what the pundits had to say about it, as well as hear soundbite clips of the important parts.

Here’s what we have from the pundits.

The pundits on the left say it was good, oh, so good and he covered all his bases and if we all would just listen to the man and follow his leadership this country would be well on its way out of the trouble it’s in.

The pundits on the right say that it was terrible, just terrible.  He didn’t give Republicans everything they wanted and Republicans know what’s best for America which is why the voters voted them out in two successive elections just so Democrats could get the chance to SHOW what horrible, horrible leaders they are and then the voters will come crawling back to the Republicans and beg forgiveness and Obama is all words and they’re pretty words, but words don’t lower taxes and fatten the fatcats, so it was bad, bad, BAD!

Pundits in the middle are all busy discussing the social ramifications of “Pants on the Ground.”

Sigh — It’s another day in America.

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Last Updated on Tuesday, 2 February 2010 09:57
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