Ever had “gout”?  No?  Then you have no idea what HELL feels like.

(BTW:  That is not my foot.  It’s my LEFT one that has been killing me for the last nearly 72 hours.)

Let me see if I can define the pain for you.  Imagine tiny little shards of broken glass, inside your big toe joint.  And every time you try to move your toe, step on it, or even let the FU*KING GOD DAMN BLANKET COVER IT AT NIGHT…

Well, I’ve heard it described this way.

It’s like stepping on your own eyeball.

It’s an exquisite pain.  One that stays and stays and stays and stays.  Your whole foot swells, and you get this cheerful RED spot there at the joint of the big toe.

I get this, on average, twice a year.  I don’t eat organ meats.  I’ve cut way back on the Scotch.  Therefore, it must be the levodopa I take for my PD.  And there is some truth to that — levodopa can keep one from excreting uric acid… and that’s what crystalizes in the joint — those tiny shards of glass I was talking about.

I couldn’t even get my shoe on this morning.  Had to go to work wearing a slipper.

And it’s feeling better than it was yesterday.

If this goes as usual, it will hurt slightly less tomorrow.  Then by Monday or so I will be able to actually put full weight on that foot again.

Ever had gout?  I know one of my sisters gets it.  And it’s a bitch.

The gout that is… not my sister…

Well…..